Weekend update (and POOP update…)

Going good. Poop keeps coming up. Like when I was at my friend’s house this weekend and her one year old took my computer hostage and typed “POOP99999999999999999999999”, and then again today when Ella could talk of nothing else but bird poop. Even saw this pic posted on a friends Facebook page:

 

 

Other than that, pretty normal. Football Saturday morning, tea party Saturday afternoon, then friend’s house. Sunday church, picnic, Marigold Festival, hours of Business 115 homework and quiz.

OH! Can I give a HUGE shout out to my mom, who, miraculously, let me do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING yesterday! She even was home with a sore back all day and never ONCE hounded me about doing anything.  Beautiful day, thanks mom, love you!

Girls came back today, I enjoy the break from being a single, full-time parent, but I am always glad to have them back. They keep it interesting and give me a purpose. Sorry, not too fun, I’m kinda sick with this sinus thing going on… I have a post in the making, but I’m so foggy right now, may in a couple of days.

By the way, my friend that I was discussing business with this weekend… she’s not that bitter, not about business anyway. She’s kinda like a tree-hugger hippie.  Totally not for the cold-hearted corporate world, but she makes it work, ya know? And yes, I can hear you Trisha, “not about business anyway????”. Well you ARE bitter about some things. You’re a girl aren’t you? Jk, I love you!

Ok, I gotta go, this isn’t working for me tonight…. Next time, play-ahs.

You may say that I’m a dreamer….

So this weekend my friend and I discussed the business world because I am taking a business course right now and the things I am learning just blow my mind.  When I explained that I thought corporate America was selling out, she told me I was jaded… and that may be… but I say I’m a dreamer…

I have a rose-colored out look on how things should be in our world.  After I lost my job last year I began to do some professional soul-searching and I realized that what I want to do professionally is to make a difference in the world.  Whether is making something beautiful, or preserving our earth, or touching the lives of the people on this earth, when I die, I want to have left this world a better place than it was when I came into it.  It’s hard for me to imagine that other people don’t want to aspire to such things also.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naive. I know there are people in this world that only want to make a fast buck, and I know equally well that we all make bad decisions and mistakes in our lives also.  But how can it be that other people don’t want to leave this world better than when they started?

I began thinking on my way home from my friend’s house tonight about that, and I began formulating an idea.  Why is it that we as a society, economically or governmental, don’t want to work to invest in our future? We hear how other countries are teaching their children better, that children from other nations excel more in the classroom than those in America.  Why is it that instead of re-investing in our future, we instead put our money and resources elsewhere?  As a society we should be investing in our future, our children, our unemployed! We need to work to prepare our children for a future of new discovery and hard work, a way to better our lives rather than drain our social security and take jobs out of America rather than keep them here because other countries are more efficient and are better planners. Instead of a business telling a potential candidate for employment, “sorry, you are under qualified, over qualified,  too young, too old, don’t have enough experience, have too much experience…” why don’t we take our time and energy to make these people or children into what we need for our future, or for our company.

We need companies that are willing to take more risks on candidates with outstanding qualities and mold them into what we are looking for.  I assure you, as an unemployed person, if I applied for this job I am willing to do what it takes to be successful and be a productive part of your staff. So teach me! Don’t over look me because I am under qualified,or over qualified,  and don’t send our children out into the world unprepared and with no experience to build on.  There are thousands of potential students coming out of school each year that are excited and have wonderful ideas for problem solving and making our businesses and government and our LIVES better. Give them a chance! Don’t try to kill that spirit, embrace it, inspire it, get excited about it!

My friend said that progress is always slow because we believe that because we’ve always done something a certain way, that is the way we do it.  What a waste of time and exploration on new and wonderful ideas that could revolutionize our lives! What a waste of productivity and efficiency! My friend told me if I go into a business corporation they would kill my spirit and teach me that this is the way it has to be. How sad it that??? I don’t know if I could do that, just come to an acceptance and go through the motions to get through the day.

I’m not saying I have the answers or that I even begin to understand government or politics or even business, but as the movie says,”Is this really as good as it gets?” Is this really what we are aspiring for in our futures, for our children and grandchildren? And one last question, has it always been this bad, or have I only just been awakened to the inner workings of our country? I do hope that there were once better days, and that someday there are better days again. But it doesn’t come with just one person, one President, one businessman or woman. It comes from a group of people working TOGETHER to make this world into what we as a whole want it to be for our future.  Not what one person wants, or for a personal agenda. We need to see past our narcissistic wants and realize that we can’t take it with us when we go, and we are not bigger than any other person.  It is about who we are as a whole, a country, a world…

There is something to be said for the Brits…

The girls and I went to Her Majesty’s English Tea Room with some friends from our old school today. It was really nice and the girls had a great time.  They behaved themselves, even Ella, whom I was a bit concerned about.  The tea was a pinkish color and they have blue colored sugar for the girls.  Ella had SO much sugar in her’s that her tea turned a purple color. See below…

This is what happens when you add blue sugar to your cinnamon rose hip tea

It was a nice lunch, but I’m more of a three course meal girl with large platefuls of food. But OMG… the gift shop was to die for and I have decided I’m going to definitely be attending some formal affairs in England very soon.  Help me decide which hat I should buy for the occasion!

A. My personal favorite...
B. The Sailor
C. Lady in Red...
D. BIG ass hat...
E. Minnie Pearl
F. Happy Birthday
G. Mild Mannered
H. Queen Mum

Besides the fabulous hats there were a few other interesting items…

Captive squirrels... go figure.
Harry Potter!
Weird sock monkey hanging from the ceiling...
Bubble gum cocktail weenies.... what more can I say?
Goats on the roof of the Fairie House...

All in all, a VERY good day…

This is just a bunch of random rambling… but has valuable information at the same time!

I just called the principal where I interviewed on Tuesday to ask if there was any feedback or insight he could give me on my interview.  He was VERY nice and said unfortunately he wasn’t going to be much help because I gave good answers and had good experience, it was just a matter of the best fit for the school, and honestly he said he could have put any one of the candidates in the position.  He was very nice and I hope I have the opportunity to interview with him again someday. I’m also VERY proud of myself for taking that step to get feedback that I once would have dreaded getting. Not gonna lie, a little nerve-wracking, but I took the step, so there, progress…

Now I am on to another problem, a few months ago I made a rash decision to go on a trip to Vegas with my friend Erin.  I am excited about going, but the buyer’s remorse is killing me, and immediately after I made the decision I knew it was irresponsible. Therefore I am going to resort to asking any of my local blog followers for some help.  I can cook, clean, babysit, organize, do AMAZING things on a computer, and many other odd jobs that you may not want to do yourself.  If you would like to help me fund this irresponsible, but amazingly adrenaline induced trip, I am willing to work for it.  I have some credentials, I clean every other week for my aunt and I occasionally clean for my bff (every other weekend 😉 ). I can rock out a bottle of Clorox clean up like nobody’s business, and I can get you so organized you will be asking me to come back for more! Please help!  I NEVER do anything this spontaneous, and after the year I’ve had I just want to do one irresponsible, irrational thing for just ME! You can message me on Facebook if you accept this challenge, and I guarantee you won’t regret it…

On to other things… Y’all know you can comment on here? Come on people, I know you have something to say! I have gotten some good feedback so far, but let’s shake up the discussion, ya know? I will willingly accept any constructive criticism, but I gotta tell ya, I’m doing this for me, so don’t expect much out of me!

have I mentioned I’m kid-free today! Yeah, today is gonna be a great day!

I’m going to have to become a closet Phineas and Ferb watcher…

 So, my children have sent me so over the edge that I have to take many of the TV shows they watch away from them, because frankly, I just think it causes them to act like moronic imbeciles who think they control the world, or the world in our house. Here is the schedule I sent to their father entitled “The Smackdown”. I didn’t include the entire e-mail, because there are just some things I shouldn’t share with the general public on my blog.

(I have highlighted my favorite parts in bold italics…)

3:45 – 4:15 Lainey comes home/snack/free time (no TV or DS)

4:15 – 5:15 Homework, includes: writing all spelling words and must re-write any she misses or asks for prompts on five times each(ie: “fl” is that right?), practice addition flash cards (especially focusing on the “doubles”, 2+2, 5+5, 7+7…) She needs to start memorizing facts. Ella can do something quietly like coloring or at home we have a preschool activity book that she can work in, or read books or something like that.

5:15 – 5:30 Set table, get ready for dinner

5:30 – 6:00 dinner/clean up

6:00 – 6:30 Baths/ Read a book – she needs to be reading at least 20 minutes each night.  She is so “starved” for “together time” this would be a good time for her to sit down with one of us and read.

6:30 – 7:00 (if it was bath night she can read at this time, Ella could listen as well) if not they can have some free play time

7:00 – 7:30 watch TV (Nick Junior, or Sprout – no Sponge Bob Square Pants, Johnny Test, and, yes, it pains me to say it…Phineas and Ferb,  or anything else that will get them riled up. If all else fails I can send Baby Einstein and they can be forced to watch that, however, they will probably enjoy it more than anything else, because they are just that twisted…)

7:30 in bed, they are allowed to read or look at books, but absolutely no DS until they can get themselves back under control.  I was giving them about 20 minutes or so, but until behavior improves, no DS unless for a reward or on the weekends.

8:00 Lights out

As you can see, they have lost anything fun until their tyrannical raid comes to an end. Moshi Monsters was the first to go, and I can’t tell you how relieved I am to get that life sucking game off my back. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I do not deal with terrorists, and until they reform there is little they can do to make me change my mind. Personally, “I would like to see the shrieking, screaming, demanding, temper tantrums, back talk, disrespect, excuse making, and antagonizing each other gone.” (I have some pretty wicked audio files of temper tantrums on my phone I’m planning on making into a CD to make them listen to in the car on trips to town.)

“They are going to cry and whine that they are bored and they hate me, but I’m pretty sure they will get creative (in finding stuff to do) if needed. They complain that I don’t do things with them or spend time with them, but honestly when they have me running around like a chicken with my head cut off doing anything and everything for them, I really have very little energy, nor do I feel like taking time out to spend with their snotty asses. I know it sounds harsh, but things have really gotten out of hand.”

Of course the drawback is I LOVE, and I mean LOVE Phineas and Ferb.  I just feel that their crack induced sister Candace is somewhat of a bad influence on them.  (Read more about Candace here) I mean Phineas and Ferb work so hard to teach kids to use their imagination and promote discovery and invention that this country is in dire need of these days, not to mention trying to motivation kids to do something with their time during summer break (but I digress…) That Candace though, I can hear Lainey, “Mom, Ella’s creating a title sequence again…” Seriously Candace? Give it a break! Why can’t you just let them have their fun and then we could continue to watch good wholesome television without having to worry about our children planning revenge on each other and screeching to their moms about what you KNOW is not going to be there when you get her to the backyard!!!! I mean really, how much longer are you going to keep up this charade? Will you ever go to college? That would be totally awesome because then I would only have to deal with the backlash from Dr. Doosensmirf and that guy I can handle because all of his evil plans to take over the tri-state area are totally lame.

So that being said… I will have to resort to watching Phineas and Ferb while sneaking my sweet treats away from prying eyes in the closet from now on.  Although it’s going to get mighty tough trying to hid in the closet with a 42 inch flat screen, but where there’s a will, there’s a way…

I didn’t get the job

What else can I say? Maybe next time… It’s not where God wanted me to be… There’s always tomorrow…

What a teacher wants you to know…

I interviewed for a job yesterday for a part-time aide position (3 hours a day) at a local school district where I would really like to get my foot in the door. It is an RTi position where I would be pulling small groups or individual kids out of the classroom to work with on areas they are struggling with in the classroom. It’s not my dream job, but it’s my dream job right now. How fun would it be to work 3 hours a day with small groups intensely on areas such as reading comprehension, vocabulary, phonics, and math. I know, not many of you would find that fun, but to me, that is the heart of teaching, making individual connections with students and watching them succeed in small steps at first, but making huge leaps in their learning in the end.

I am a horrible interviewee, and have only interviewed for three jobs including this one since I lost my job last year.  The first was a total of 10 minutes tops! Horrible, never heard from them again.  The second went very  well I thought, but because I had finally decided that teaching is where I wanted to be, I think they were weary of hiring someone who may or may not be there for the long haul.  I can completely respect that.  That left me to search for a position in the teaching field, where jobs are few and far between.  I mean seriously. It is not uncommon for 300+ applicant’s to compete for one position. Competition is fierce and it would be awesome to know the inside secrets to getting hired!

I don’t know if I will ever be able to get out from under the bad reputation I set for myself in my previous teaching position, but I think it speaks thousands of words for me that I haven’t given up.  I have been through a lot this year, and I needed to find my perspective.  It is difficult to be a teacher these days.  Remember that if you are a parent. Really. I can speak from both sides of the table because I have been a teacher and a parent.  But I have also been a student, and I know what I respected most about teachers I’ve had.  These days we parents tend to immediately jump to our child’s defense without even hearing the teacher or principal’s side to the story.  When I was a kid there was no argument.  It didn’t matter if you did it or not, you got in trouble either way.  Even if you didn’t do it you were still expected to take the consequences.

I think the problem between parents and teachers is that we as parents feel it is a personal attack on our parenting skills if a teacher disciplines our children. Yet I feel that it takes some of the pressure off of me as a parent if I know by child is held to high expectations and standards within the classroom.  Of course I will back the teacher up, whether I agree with it on a personal level or not.  Know why? Because when my kid goes out into the real world, the world where bosses couldn’t care less about you personally, couldn’t care less what your mom or dad thinks, or couldn’t care less about what YOU think, I know my child will have the understanding that they are no different from anyone else and there are no free hand outs in this world.  The world does not revolve around them and there are always going to be injustices in the world.  You may not agree with it, but you need to resign yourself to live with it. Otherwise you are going to be jobless, homeless, and sorry, but alone.

If you are a parent, the main thing I want you to remember or to know is that MOST teachers have your child’s best interests at heart.  There is a tremendous amount of pressure that teachers put on themselves to expect the most out of your child and themselves. Imagine having 20 children that you want to teach right from wrong, to empathize with others, and educate them all at the same time. You love them unconditionally (even when they aggravate you to the point of pulling your hair out), you hurt when they hurt, you rejoice when they succeed, and you cry when they inevitably move on… you can fight with parents until your blue in the face, but in the end, all that matters to a teacher is what that child takes away from the classroom and that they know that they are full of potential and are completely responsible for themselves and their actions, and that they are loved, no matter what.

Maybe teaching isn’t what I’m suppose to do, but I don’t think I would keep wandering back to it if I weren’t suppose to be there. I appreciate it when parents compliment me as a teacher, but I will tell you what is even better that a parent’s compliment: a students.

Throwing salt in an old wound isn’t as bad as they make it out to be…

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Nice weekend to be had by all, and BONUS! extra day included in the fun-filled package tomorrow!  Ella’s birthday is still intact as baby wasn’t born until Saturday night. Whew.  Although Lainey is annoyingly excited, Ella is the more realistic and level-headed about it all.  Needless to say she’s not thrilled to no longer be the baby. (Although I told her tonight she will always be MY baby, awwww!)

So yes, I afore-mentioned this was a nice weekend.  Nice, but WEIRD.  And by the way, can I say that I am thrilled beyond words to not be involved in the craziness that probably ensued at the hospital this weekend.  I do not envy the girl’s step-mom in any way, shape, or form and while many may have wished her ill-will in no personal way what-so-ever, I would not wish delivery pain and difficulties on anyone, because, hey, that’s just crossing the cruelty line people.

I was thinking a lot this weekend, dangerous I know, besides the fact that I haven’t taken my meds in a couple of days (because I have no health insurance, thus drugs are VERY expensive…) and I came to the conclusion that throwing salt in old wounds isn’t quite as bad as it’s thought to be.

If you haven’t figured out by now, my ex-husband just had his first child with his second wife.  (I was a starter wife, yeah.) This brings life to an entirely new level, with new thoughts, and new routine, and if you know me, I dislike anything new, unless it’s a killer pair of shoes. I know I mentioned a few posts ago that I really wasn’t bothered by all of this, but honestly it has bothered me a tiny bit.  I have found it has affected several people on some level or another.  It brings up all of those old bad memories, which are very difficult for me because I did enjoy and love my previous life so much.  Haha, previous life, like I was re-incarnated or something. I made myself giggle.

Anyway, you can’t help the crazy from creeping back into your head and trying to draw you back into the dark abyss. Thinking about his family, who went, what did they all think, are they all excited? What about MY kids? Where do they stand now? How is this going to change things? And I know, Tuesday or Wednesday, when things get back to normal, I will again realize that it doesn’t all matter, not to me anyway.  Backwardsland cannot touch me if I don’t allow it. I have my own little piece of crazy right here, and I don’t need anyone else’s to f*** my crazy up.

But I can’t help thinking back to having our first child together, and then our second, and I wonder where this new birth fit. Was it in between? God help her if it was worst than the first! Was it better than the second? It is very hard to judge reality when you lived one-fifth of your life with a chronic liar and believed every moment of it up until the point he told you it was all a lie.

When I had Lainey, I was in labor all night at home and when he woke in the morning after sleeping on the couch, he took a shower and was getting ready for work.  While he was in the shower, I had to dial 911 because I began “pushing”. After the ambulance got me to the hospital and they got me to labor and delivery, he came sauntering in and sat down on the couch. He had  NO CLUE I was in labor until he heard the nurse say to the doctor on the phone, “You have to be here NOW, because she’s going to have this baby!” About an hour after Lainey was born, he was out the door and back to work.  Little did I know at this time he was having his first affair. I thought those first months of Lainey’s life were the worst and best of it all.  I loved having her, but my marriage was in shambles and I was to blame for being too “narcasistic”. Definition: When you’ve been on bed rest for three months, home alone the majority of the time, and then left to care for your first child alone,  that makes you a narcissist.

This is why I have difficulty today with him having this new baby.  When we had our first he wasn’t really interested. And yeah, I guess my feelings are a little hurt because of what my daughter may have missed and what she will watch this new daughter enjoy from her father.  Don’t misread what I’m saying, he is a good dad, and he loves his kids, but I don’t think he loved what was entailed with raising kids with me. I truly hope this time it is much better for him for my girls’ sake. But, it is so hard to watch someone you loved fall so easily into a new life, when there was a perfectly good one right in front of them. And it is hardest for those that were left behind. But we will survive AND thrive, because of it, and in the end, it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would 😉 …

My life is wicked crazy…

So I got denied for public aid, which is good and bad both, good because at least someone thinks I’m not destitute enough to need it, but bad because there is a serious lack of funds coming in at the moment. On the upside I got a job interview at an awesome school I would love to work at as a part-time aid.  It would only be about three hours a day, but I figure that will be a nice way to work myself back into things slowly, and maybe next year I could get a full-time gig.

But now for the part most of you who have already heard have been waiting for: Today is my youngest’s birthday.  September 2nd.  Call it karma, fate, Kismet, whatever you believe in, but this is one step closer to crazy than I thought things could go.

I knew this day was coming, and really, I’m FINE with it.  Seriously. You have no idea how fine I am ;-). However, in a totally ironic turn of events, the girls’ father’s new wife is being induced. Today. On Ella’s birthday.  If you understand the entirety of my story from this last year, you understand how insane this actually is.  It’s like God’s little joke, AND I THINK IT’S AWESOMELY SICK AND TWISTED ON AN EPIC LEVEL!  I LOVE IT! All day long I have been giggling randomly, because honestly, there couldn’t have been a more fitting time for this to happen.  The funniest part? It’s not even their fault!!! At least I hope it’s not, I’m pretty sure not, but just in case I’m not gonna bet on it.  Awkwardly enough she has the same OBGYN that delivered both of my children.  One of them four years ago to THIS VERY DAY…

The irony is so great that I have to laugh.  I can’t imagine what is going through the heads of those players involved in these events today.  I would just once like to experience it first hand, to have someone explain to me how they rationalize this entire situation to be O.K. But, in the grand scheme of things, as long as my kids are ok, I just don’t care….

By the way, I hear it’s nice this time of year in backwards land…

Feel the love…

As I sit here in the Department of Human Services waiting to interview for public aid, I can’t help but feel the love from friends and family posting happy birthdays to my youngest who is 4 today and sending words of encouragement to me via my blog posts. I can’t tall you how humbled I am to be sitting here, but also knowing there are more people out there supporting me than I know. Especially those friends and parents from my old school who continue to support me. Thank you!!! You will never know how much it means to us!