Did you know water balloons could cause emotional turmoil?

photo copy
My best friend and I joke about how we are emotionally stunted. About a month ago I posted this Buzzfeed on her FB wall and she got kind of pissy at me because apparently she doesn’t feel it fits her that well….but…

It led to this…

 

photo

It’s me trying to make light of offending her…

I’m sure I’m not helping matters now, as she’s probably planning my demise as she reads this… but there is a point…

This afternoon my children were swimming and little wanted to play with water balloons.  I went to the trouble of filling the balloons, getting myself wet in the process (always fun).  Little did I know it was going to cause the emotional turmoil it did for my oldest.  Apparently she has a major soft spot for water balloons, even giving them names and flipping a freaking lid when her sister pops them.  I mean full on meltdown.  I was speechless.  I couldn’t fathom the level of distraught she was.  Apparently I “don’t understand her” and I am a bad mom because she’s “different” and feels for all “living” and “nonliving” things.

Anyway, consider this a formal public apology my friend, because apparently I don’t have the emotional capacity it takes to understand others, and that Buzzfeed was for me.

Wow.

It’s not about me….

I have definitely had issues with Religion in the past few years.  Though the events of the past four years, I have lost some of my faith in the religious community, which has caused me to go to church less and less.  The only time I go is when I have my girls, and that’s because they are actively involved in our church.  So this morning when I woke up, I thought it would be like any other Sunday that I don’t have my girls.  But then I started thinking… I should just go.  Even though my own church has become somewhat stagnant to me lately, maybe God would have a message for me.  So I did the uncharacteristic thing and I went.

As I sat listening to the readings for the day I couldn’t help but see the irony of how these message related to me on a personal level.  The first was from Acts 1:6-14.   The disciples asked Jesus if this was the time when God would restore the Kingdom to Israel and allow freedom to the Jews from the Romans. Jesus responds to the disciples saying that, “It is not for you to know the times or periods that the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Jedua and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 7-8)

Hadn’t I been asking myself (and everyone else with in a five foot vicinity of me) when God was going to let me follow my passion and allow me to simply teach?  Yet this reading was speaking to me telling me it’s not for me to question or choose the time-table, but God’s choice.

The Litanist then read an explanation to the second reading in which she stated that it’s not looking to others for affirmation, but looking to God for praise. 1 Peter 4:12-14; 5:6-11 tells us that we shouldn’t be surprised by the ordeals that will be thrown at us because of our faith, but we should rejoice because Christ shares in our suffering and he will exalt us in his own time.  We are all struggling against our own trials, but we should have faith that Christ will “restore, support, strengthen and establish” us.

Hmm, hadn’t I also been beating my up because I didn’t get the verbal feedback I so desperately needed from others, and felt less of myself because of this? And all of this time I should have been relying on God to strengthen me instead of others. That is a difficult lesson for us to master.

In the Gospel, John 17:1-11, Jesus gives his last great discourse to the Holy Father, praying for his disciples, asking that they receive God’s protection and love as he had given it to Jesus, and the unity of the church. Pastor spoke about the unity of us all in the Holy Spirit and that we are united in Christ, despite creed, religion, or religions politics. That is the basis of the Apostles Creed, that we believe in “one holy catholic and apostolic church”. Because of the sacrament of Baptism we are one in the body of Christ.

This lead me onto another train of thought that led me to a realization, one that I already knew, but was dormant in my mind. I had lost track of it. The realization was this: The relationship we have with God is not about the action of others, but about our own actions, how we do his will and act on his behalf. Our relationship is with God and how we do his will, not how others treat us.

This was a big revelation to me, being a person who dwells on the actions of others toward myself.  If I’m honest, brutally so, I would have to say I have always been a “woe-is-me” person.  It’s always about what happens to me or what others have done to me.  It is one of my greatest weaknesses and the one I hate the most about myself.  I am an excuse maker.  I have even gone so far as to see how long I can go without making an excuse as to why something that has happened was not my fault; and let me tell you, being a human, that is an extremely hard thing to do.

In regards to me wanting to be a teacher and working in a school, I have this truth to reconcile: It’s not where God puts me, but how I do his will where I am.  Hence, it doesn’t matter if I’m in a school, office, on the street, my own home, or my parent’s home, it’s about how I act towards others in the name of God, not the other way around.

Wow, that huge.  As a simple human being, that is a hard fact to understand and learn to do.

What I have learned from this:

I need to work with God has given me and be in the places he has put me doing his will.  I need to look to him for comfort and validation and not put all of my hopes and dreams into the value from others. This will take work, I know, but hopefully these revelations will stick with me and I can be thankful for the blessings God has given me.

 

Daily Dose of Ella

Just in case you needed a reminder of how to view your iPad…

IMG_1910

 

Or conduct a successful and enjoyable phone conference…

IMG_1981

Consider yourself learned…

The air conditioner is broken, anger insues

I can handle a lot of things. No money, oh well. No job, one will come along. Living in my parent’s basement, eh. No air conditioning? No thank you young ruffians.

I’m angry. Decidedly so. No amount of sitting still will render me un-angered. Crotchety, grumpy, enraged, resentful, offended, irritable, impassioned, irate, uptight, sullen, heated, furious, irritated, bitter, annoyed, indignant, choleric, cross, displeased, ferocious, fierce, fiery, hateful, hot, huffy, ill-tempered, incensed, inflamed, infuriated, irascible, provoked, raging, sore, sulky, tumultuous, turbulent, wrathful, ireful, exasperated, outraged, affronted, antagonized, chafed, convulsed, exacerbated, fuming, galled, maddened, nettled, piqued, riled, splenetic, storming, vexed.

This was about two months after, so maybe not COMPLETELY shaved, but close enough for me to look like my brother...

This was about two months after, so maybe not COMPLETELY shaved, but close enough for me to look like my brother…

 

 

All of the above.

It’s not even THAT hot out.

You know what happened the last time I got really hot?  Yeah, I shaved my head. Bald. We all know where that got me… Divorced, without a job, and living in my parent’s basement.

Well played universe, we’ve come full circle…

 

My night in a nutshell….

20140304-070633.jpg

20140304-070644.jpg
How did this happen exactly?

20140304-070729.jpg

All Aboard the Hot Mess Express

hot messJust wanted to share this because it seriously feels like I’m on the Hot Mess Express, or I am the Hot Mess Express, or I invented it… or all of the above.

Reasons I feel this way:

I’m old (not gonna say how old) and still live in my parent’s basement.

I quit a job to take another job, to take another job, and in the process decreased my income by 50%, all in the name of doing something I love, hence, still living in my parent’s basement.

Two lovely children who really need to learn self-reliance.

Aparently I forget… a lot… so sue me…

Just a few, man, just a few. At least I still have my sense of humor…

More random texts that prove we need our own reality show…

Some nights we like to get movie theater popcorn while watching movies at home. Yes, we’re crazy like that… This insued after I got the popcorn…

20140226-202917.jpg

20140226-202933.jpg

Saturday mornings we go to breakfast, but no one else moves quite as quickly as we prefer…

20140226-203017.jpg

20140226-203026.jpg

20140226-203107.jpg

20140226-203116.jpg

This one may be a little confusing as you’ll see I had to delete part of the message because of information that just doesn’t need to be shared EVER again…

20140226-203124.jpg

20140226-203131.jpg

This one because I confused the song played in Shrek Ever After, Live and Let Die, for November Rain when discussing who sang it originally. (FYI – I know Guns and Roses sang November Rain originally and The Beatles Live and Let Die).

The second part is just #everydaywhovianproblems, because yeah, that happens!

20140226-203140.jpg

I Date Celebraties… in my head.

Not sure if you knew this about me or not, but figured I’d share because blogs are all about sharing strange idiosyncrasies right? And where in the hell is the spell check on this thing?  (later – found it)IMG_1398

Anyway, yes.  I started out dating Channing Tatum. If you’re my friend on Facebook you may have seen my pic with him a few times. Pretty awesome.

Then I saw The Avengers and sh*t hit the fan so to speak.  Thor. Need I say more?  I created a new pin board on Pinterest titled “My NEW Boyfriend”, because well, Channing just wasn’t cooperating what with all the roles he was working on and the small matter of a wife.. and new child. Yeah, that kind of put a damper on things. So I said goodbye Channing, hello Chris. (Hemsworth in case you were wondering.)

IMG_1399Speaking of, apparently Chris, aka Thor, has a wife and child as well.  Didn’t get the memo we were dating I guess. His loss.

BUT. I’ve found the perfect match.  The others were all young and married with kids and all that other baggage and stuff. But now I’ve discovered this weirdly odd man who is adorable (he grows on you), has a GREAT voice, AND BONUS is BRITISH! He plays a high functioning sociopath on a completely awesome show that has some seriously wicked British humor, I love British humor, and its written by some people who write a show about my hero and role model (time travel).  It’s fate because he’s my age and isn’t married.  Ha! And I never have to actually meet him.  He’s like George Glass on The Brady Bunch. (Google it.) I can totally rationalize it in my head because it’s plausible, but it most likely won’t ever come to anything, so I don’t have to commit! Yay!

Now lets examine why I would rather imaginary date this famous guy with a seriously weird last name instead of finding a nice run-of-the-mill guy closer to home and a little more realistic.  Basically put, I have high expectations.  For myself. And for the person I might possible date. Honestly, it’s not gonna happen, and if we’re honest I’m rocking this whole single thing pretty well, so why mess up a good thing when I can just pretend to be dating a guy who, in my mind, meets all of the expectations I have, or can just look good standing there while I peruse at my own leisure?  It seems win-win to me, although I’m not sure who’s on the other end of the win situation. It’s really just me.tumblr_m323mtwiP91qzpppc

Moral of the story: I’m still not gonna date anyone or ever get married again. Don’t push the issue. I’m perfectly happy in my unrealistic dream world, and no you can’t join.

Best Valentine’s Day EVER.

Letter to My Daughter: It’s a curse…

Dear daughter,

First I would like to apologize for, well… me being me.  Candy grams and all things related suck.  There is no better way to say it.  Unfortunately you are me, reincarnated.  This means that for the rest of your life you are destined to always want to be the smart, pretty, good at everything girl that everyone likes and admires.  The one that everyone wants to talk to and be best friends with. But unfortunately, that’s not us.  It’s not that people DON’T like us.  It’s just that we aren’t noticeable. We’re invisible. We’re not the first one people think of when they want a friend, or someone to send a candy gram to…   We will never be the popular girl, or the girl that all of the boys like. Don’t even get me started on boys, because I’m not really looking forward to that phase of your life. I have no idea how to navigate it, or even explain to you when some boy breaks your heart.

In some ways I feel as if I have already failed you because of how I handled what happened with your dad.  I think maybe you took away something that I didn’t really intend for you to take away from how I dealt with all of that. My intention was to show you and your sister that life goes on, even though you struggle you keep doing what you can do, and hope for a better future.  What your dad did was your dad’s choice.  I don’t know if I could have done anything differently, anything to prevent it, but most likely it was because I was just me.  Little old, dependable, do anything for everyone else me.  And I became irrelevant.  Someone to “handle” and then move on to real life without.

But I have learned to  enjoy my life, and the good friends I do have.  I do regret that you don’t yet have a best friend, like I did all through my school years.  But life was different then.  There were only twelve kids in my class. Small compared to the three sections of 30 kids each you deal with every day. It’s much harder to create bonds with so many kids.  But I have hope for you still.  Even if not, I know that you will learn to be comfortable with yourself. I will continue to try to be a better role model for you, because I don’t want you to have a “woe-is-me” outlook on life, thinking everyone is against you.  Really they aren’t. It’s just we aren’t memorable, we just are. But please remember, you are memorable to me, and you are a great person, and I love you no matter what.

Love,

Mom

%d bloggers like this: